


Metal with a hint of cinnamon

by Detroit_become_Merlin



Category: Harry Potter - J. K. Rowling, Merlin (TV)
Genre: Angst with a Happy Ending, Arthur Knows About Merlin's Magic (Merlin), Emotional Hurt/Comfort, Hurt/Comfort, Idiots in Love, Love Potion/Spell, M/M, Medication, Schizophrenia, Truth Serum
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2020-05-06
Updated: 2020-05-06
Packaged: 2021-03-03 04:55:04
Rating: Not Rated
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,324
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/24039226
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Detroit_become_Merlin/pseuds/Detroit_become_Merlin
Summary: Merlin had spent years waiting for Arthur to return and when he does it turns out he isn't as ready to see him as one might hope to believe
Relationships: Merlin/Arthur Pendragon (Merlin)
Comments: 1
Kudos: 99





	Metal with a hint of cinnamon

**Author's Note:**

> TW: mention of pills and Merlin doesn't really take his medicine as much as he needs too

The potion in Merlin's cauldron poofed up, and his partner decided he was the one to test it, Merlin cautiously sniffed the drink, it smelt of metal with a hint of cinnamon. Merlin smiled as a memory wafted through his mind.

Hunting within the depths of the forest, and running away from bandits or creatures of ill will, sleeping under the stars and protecting one another amid battle after battle, laughter by the lakes whispered conversations near the fire, and a life worth living.

The Armontentia potion is strong when made correctly and sometimes, even after all these years, when he would start to forget, Merlin would collect a few ingredients, make the potion and sniff if only to renew the memories of his home. After all, his heart would always remember his king.

When Arthur rises from the lake, it took a few months and a couple of breakdowns to integrate him fully into society, of course, the wizarding world had to remain secret even from him unless Merlin wanted to spend the rest of his immortal life within the confines of Azkaban. Despite the fact, he had promised Arthur never to hide anything as crushing as destiny or his magic ever again.

Of course, there are ways to leap through this; all a wizard had to do is marry the muggle for the Ministry to look past the Statute of Secrecy. Merlin couldn't do that to Arthur; he had just lost his wife, his brothers in arms, and his crown, all he had left was a liar.

No

Merlin couldn't marry Arthur; it would be too cruel.

That doesn't stop the fear, the fear that Arthur might be his schizophrenia acting up, he might be a figment, an illusion, it doesn't stop him from getting up in the middle of the night, take his pills, and stare at Arthur waiting for him to disappear.

When Arthur wanted to explore the world without Merlin, he let him go; Merlin would stand for hours on end, staring at the door wondering if it was all a dream or a hallucination. Until Merlin sees his car drive into the driveway and he rushes into the shower and sobs his heart out, the water mingled with his tears and the soundproofing spell covers the sound of his screams.

When Arthur brings a girl home, it took him days to figure out it was a love potion, because the girl looked like Gwen, sounded like Gwen, and acted like Gwen, and Merlin's heart broke all over again. He didn't talk to Arthur and barely spoke to the girl. 

He cried until his eyes burned, but he knew it was selfish to mourn a love he never truly believed he earned or one that was returned.

After the love potion incident with the girl, Arthur asked if he could build up an immunity like how one could build up immunity towards certain poisons. Merlin shook his head and suggested to learn the signs for a love potion instead.

Arthur wanted to one-up Merlin's idea and suggested truth potions as well after all 'We can't let people know I'm the king of Camelot  _ Mer _ lin; it would cause a panic.'

That's how they started, with Merlin mixing a potion of Armontentia and Arthur sitting in the living room waiting, the batch of Veritaserum sat innocuously in front of Arthur, which he took and turned it over and over in his hands.

He knew. He knew Merlin was hiding something and after he had promised Arthur he would never keep any secrets from him again, so he made tea and added drops of the potion to Merlin's cup and watch as Merlin set himself and the love potion down and drank the tea.

How would he explain the girl with the potion, it was apparent she knew what she was doing, and so did Merlin. How could he explain the nights where he could hear him talking to himself and screaming in the middle of the night, and there were the nights where he came into his room and stared at Arthur, before disappearing in a puff of smoke when Arthur made the slightest twitch.

Arthur took a sniff at the potion Merlin brought in and his face scrunched in confusion. "Merlin, why does this potion smell like you."

"The smell of the Armontentia potion varies on things the person likes." Merlin looked shocked as his eyes tracked Arthur's, ignoring the blush on the king's face.

"What does this smell like to you?"

"you" Merlin became distressed, his heart ached and pounded against his chest. He could feel his heart and mind breaking; he couldn't trust Arthur. His king had given him a truth potion. Merlin couldn't trust him. Arthur knows he loves him. Merlin couldn't trust Arthur.

Arthur frowned when Merlin's breaths quickened; sweat dotted his brow as his eyes darted across the room. Arthur could see Merlin was on the edge of panic. He slowly made his way towards him, "Merlin?" it doesn't seem like he heard him "Merlin? Hey, it's okay."

"it's not."

"Wha-"

"IT'S NOT" Merlin screamed, his hand came and covered his mouth as he started mumbling about his problems, the illness he had before Arthur appeared and how he doesn't even know if Camelot's real anymore.

"Merlin, I- Whatever it is I could help, If it's about the potion then I'm sorry, I should've waited for you to open up, I-" He took Merlin's hands away from his mouth. "I want to help you. Please"

"You can't help" Merlin muttered, tears blurred his sight, but Arthur looked so defeated, and he shouldn't look like that, Merlin shouldn't have put that expression on him. "I'm on medication." he could feel the effects of the potion fading, but he still wants to open up, if only to please Arthur.

"What kind of medication? For what?"

"I- You know the small orange bottle in the cabinet by the toothbrushes."

"you never let me near them."

"I take them for my head."

"you have a brain injury?!" Arthur panicked abandoning Merlin's hands to clutch his head, turning it from side to side, as if he could find it and kill it with how much he's glaring.

"no, I don't, it's just I was getting better, and then you came, and the treatment just got pushed back with how much you need help with-" he gestured wildly to the TV"-all this."

"What? You're not making any sense Merlin, getting better from what?" Merlin tried to look down, but Arthur's hands forced him to look at his king's blue eyes.

"I have schizophrenia."

"what's that?"

"it's a disease that makes me see things, hear things that aren't there, I couldn't think straight, and I get paranoid so much it's unbearable" Merlin sniffed tears made their way down his face.

"Merlin" Arthur kissed away his tears and hushed him; he had convinced himself that Merlin loved him after he answered his first question "I'm here, I'm real, I swear to you" he whispered, petting his hair and clutching his sorcerer close to him. "I love you."

Merlin froze, before burrowing into the arms of his precious king "I love you too."

"will you tell me why you know such a potion."

"I can't; I'll go to jail."

"I'm sure you'll escape."

"I don't want to leave you."

Arthur looked down at his once servant, how much of a child he looked. He picked him up as if he was a damsel and carried him towards his room, Merlin's arms flew around his neck as he clutched at him tighter.

Arthur dropped Merlin on his bed, kissed his brow and snuggled up behind him, curling around him as if to protect him from the world.

"Arthur it's still 10 am."

"hush sleep."

Merlin sighed, the emotional breakdown had left him exhausted and who was he to disobey the king.

THE END


End file.
